Latest Blogs

  • December 7, 2019
    There are only a handful of pictures of Ryan, five years of memories frozen in time of a little boy who we never saw grow to be the young man of 32 today. These photos stir up moments of the past with a smile and a tear, as I reminisce the life we once shared. 
    Pain has a way of blurring the present, making us forget the simple details of a wonderful life. And even though loss is random, I could...

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  • November 23, 2019
    "In history as in human life, regret does not bring back a lost moment and a thousand years will not recover something lost in a single hour." 
    For over 25 years I have shared stories of Ryan. Stories of heartbreak and sadness, sweet moments and memories and the treasure of pictures where I reminisce in the joy of his smile. But the one story I have never told, the one that has been locked down...

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  • February 23, 2019
    Chelsea, Shawn and Ryan
    Chelsea and Ryan on our way back from Hilton Head Island
     "You don't get through it, it doesn't get better, it just gets different."
    I used to hate February, after all, my son died in February, and my father died in February. The shortest month of the year and I had to hold my breath just to get through it. 
    But the cold and damp of winter pairs well with grief, the...

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  • November 27, 2018
    "Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory" ~ Dr. Suess
     
    Funny how a noise wedges into my thoughts like a vise and pries open a memory. Just the other day I heard a man whistling while walking outside, and almost reeled around to see my father. Then just as quickly, that flash of reality pulled me back knowing that sound had been silenced 20 years ago.
    While...

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  • August 20, 2018
    Today marks 5 years since Debbie had her brain surgery; Thursday is fifteen years since Joe had his brain aneurysm and one month since our mother passed away and on Friday, I will finally have that MRI doctors recommended years ago. My heart is heavy with all these emotions.
    Although I usually attempt to put an upbeat spin on the stories of our life, it’s too soon in this place where so much sadness...

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  • November 26, 2017
    On Thanksgiving Day we picked up several copies of our local gazette and found our story, Pay it forward for Ryan on the front page. A story about giving back, even when you are in pain, in fact, especially when you are in pain. These small steps allowed me to see Joy again.

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  • July 24, 2017
    A lesson during a recent writing course had us return to stories or ideas and rewrite them, a memory from long ago
    The dimly lit room
    The squalid hallway assaulted my senses with dread and disinfectant as they led us to his room. The outdated space with its cold tile floors and blue ticked curtains shifts my gaze from familiar to foreign while this somber scene unravels before us. 
    The cramped...

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  • February 23, 2017
    There are moments which mark your life, moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts: BEFORE this and AFTER this...
    My heart took a bad fall...
    collapsing everything I once believed while my faith, hope, and future crumbled before me. He was so young, we were so young, so naive to the world, living in a fairytale where there was always happiness and...

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  • February 23, 2016
    Remembering Ryan
    12/07/87 ~ 2/23/93
     
    Beautifully broken
    Searching for validation, she set forth on a journey to fill the blank spaces cast upon her, emptiness engraved on her soul carrying the pain unleashed from loss; death stole another slice of her heart and soon the fragments she battled to preserve are scattered debris encircling her.
    Seeking a powerful concoction to mend the heartbreak...

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  • February 7, 2016
    "The trouble is, you think you have time"   ~Buddha
    I have to dig deep when attempting to find photos of my father. Eighteen years is a long time to be without the person who was guiding you in life. I never thought I could survive a day without you and here I am, often looking up to ask you a question in search of guidance. 
    It comes to my heart gently, quietly, a soft flicker of sarcasm as...

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In Memory

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