March 8, 2015

what I've learned from Dementia...

When someone is mean, it is usually because they are hurting in some way. My mother has never been a mean person, in fact she never spoke up for herself, even when it would have been understandable.

Throughout life we meet people we think are friends, and find out, sometimes the hard way that they are not, discovering their toxic ways when they hurt more than help. While a dismal relationship, we learn a lot from toxic people, and in the end gather sympathy for them. Why? Because they are hurting, sad and lash out to protect their own hearts instead of opening up and letting themselves be vulnerable.

But how do you handle it when someone impaired with dementia acts angrily or mean? When it is your family and you are trying to do positive things for them, and they in turn are acting like a child. Why is this so much harder than that toxic relationship?

Usually when people are toxic, you can remove yourself from them, but when it is family and they are ailing, you are left with few choices. 


My greatest challenge in dealing with dementia and my mother is patience. After a day fueled with angry outbursts you find yourself drained in ways you never knew possible. When this person who was once your mother can no longer string enough words together to form a sentence, yet pulls her hair and yells when she is confused, you want to walk away.

All the things she once thrived at, now leave her baffled and awkward. From decorating a room to picking up a paint brush, she stands childishly disorganized. In an attempt to stimulate her mind I present crafts and projects which often leave her frozen, afraid to make a mistake, leaving me in a state to pull out my own hair.


Apparently patience is a trait I am lacking, something God sees I need work with, and I agree. It is hard to supply patience to an existing relationship. One where they once understood and now they do not. When you find yourself repeatedly saying remember, then realizing they don't. When the family that was once your foundation is now in need of your support, selfishly you feel abandoned.


Leave a Comment

Your Name:
Your Comment:
  • August 29, 2015 @ 8:24 AM EDT
    By Cyndi Hansen
    You took the words right out of my mouth with how I feel dealing with my mother. Dementia is so sad for everyone. :(
  • May 29, 2015 @ 6:55 PM EDT
    By Lulu
    Its not an easy task! Love and understanding make it possible but patience yes I do understand what you mean I as well have my Mom impaired with dementia. She has not gotten to the point of outbursts or rude comments. I see what was a strong woman lost in a world of her own which leaves me searching for answers on how to cope with what I have at hand. I too feel abandoned.

▾ Other Recent Blog Posts ▾

Grieving through the holidays
November 27, 2018
One little word 2019
November 25, 2018
100 days in 2018
September 18, 2018
Cocoa Daisy Guest Designer
September 1, 2018
Queen Anne's lace
August 20, 2018
Tiny steps
July 13, 2018
Doctors visit
May 18, 2018

All Rights Reserved 2018, Unraveling My Heart the Write Way - Admin Login   |   Alt Media Studios