Memories of my father

July 16, 2014

Yesterday I really wanted to talk to my dad, so I stopped at the cemetary...

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As he walks in the door you already know its a good day by a few significant sounds, the change in his pocket is jingling and he is whistling a tune. 

We could talk for hours, even more, once I was grown and had my own children. Especially when you touched on a subject he believed in or were in a crisis. Always available with common sense answers to help you through. He did not excuse bad behavior, there was no reason for it, and his expectations were high. 

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The morning I was driving to California with Joe

Many of his friend joked I assisted in his full mop of grey,  my teenage years often tested his boundaries, and I probably did assist in the early color change. My brother Joe and I giving him the most discord, while Deb, the oldest, never wanted to anger him and Rob still to young.

A man sure of of himself, he never looked, nor needed others approval, and his praise was always genuine when given. His approval was something we all relished and he shared with me his belief in my writing, something I will always treasure. 

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Recently while going through some paperwork, I found his army discharge papers and they put pause in my day. I remember asking my aunts what he did in the service, since he would never reveal. My aunt Sue said she remembers several times military officials showing up to interview family. All I know for sure, my fathers knowledge put him with intelligence in the army, and I hope to research further one day.

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On the right

He was quiet and reserved, not revealing a lot of emotions or sharing of his past. Joining the army before turning 18, he lived a lot of life before the age of 53 when he passed away.

I long for my children to know their grandfather more, Chelsea  8 and Zachary only four when he passed away. I know he loved them with all he had, as well as still holding onto the heartbreak after we lost Ryan.

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everyone hated his beard, which made him keep it longer

Losing Ryan broke my father in ways I never new possible. A man who shed few tears before, sobbed so loud and hard, we worried of his health. Not only did he lose his first grandson but watching me suffer devastated him further. He wrote Ryans eulogy HERE, and I was told he cried throughout the writing of the entire thing, but he wanted to do this for Ryan.

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How we have survived almost 17 years without him I don't know, but he left us with many memories and lessons they we will pass on to our own children.

Sometimes I don't think people realize the finality of death, until they lose a loved one...

 

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