Happily ever after grief

November 10, 2014

It is not just in the fairy tales, it can be your life too.

In order to have the happily ever after part you have to be willing to stay through the not so happily moments, the despairing and the unquestionably painful parts. Escaping our struggles or concealing them with drugs and alcohol is always an option. However, growth only occurs when we brave our emotions and stay true to ourselves. This will bring you to the other side of sadness as a newly, refined being.

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When we lost Ryan I quit drinking alcohol, I couldn't believe how much further I would sink after taking a drink and nobody wants to feel that bad. My life was sad enough without adding anymore depressants.

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I clearly remember the world going on without me as I sat quietly in my parents den while mourners gathered throughout the house. Everything moved in slow motion and the quiet was all that could comfort me. Soon my father entered and sat with me, his hand atop mine, representing the sadness we both felt, reminding me I was not alone in this struggle. Our parents agonized twice the anguish, losing their grandchild and bearing witness to the devistation left to their own children. 

But how does a couple grieve the loss of their child, and have their marriage survive? Grief, so difficult, so different, an act with a different path for each of us. When your up, he's down and the cycle continues.

My husbands grief was masked by busying himself with work, while I tried to stay afloat although drowning in depression, and sadness. Searching for meaning I found support groups and journaling, which slowly helped me begin to live again.

So many negative and harmful things have come our way, tough decisions, loss of our parents and my sibling, outrageous costs to rental property, business ups and downs... but we keep trying, we keep getting up each day and smiling. Being grateful for what we do have, the lessons we have learned, for this is life...

Throughout our thirty year marriage many other obstacles have crossed our paths. But there is nothing worse than losing your child, NOTHING...

Pay attention to all the lessons around you as they prepare you for the tough times.

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