Behaviors to recognize

August 5, 2014

While searching narcisistic behaviors and other characteristics I came across this insightful information. I think we have all crossed paths with some of these characters.

Entitlement thinking. This way of viewing the world is to believe that your way is right and is the only way. If others do no agree with you, anger comes up. The belief is 'You must agree with me and do things my way or I have the right (I'm entitled) to get angry. Empathy is the ability to see things from the perspective of another person and feel compassion. The only person we can change is our self--to dwell on how others do not meet our needs keeps you in anger or depression.

Irrational Emotional Reasoning. Fear beliefs and accompanying emotions need to be checked out. Much fear is irrational having no basis in danger. Feelings are important but it we interpret all feelings are TRUTH then we are at the mercy of our fear and anger thought. Get past your overly sensitive feelings of the moment to see the bigger picture.

The False Consensus Effect. They are in error when they assume that others think the same way that they do. Gullible people cannot understand how devious others can be, because they do not have that negative framework in their brain. Angry ,manipulative people make up the worst about others in their minds. They see others as bad while excusing the same traits in themselves. People often see their own attitudes and behavior as 'normal' and overestimate the best or the worst in others.  Some people belittle the problem saying it is not important. They deny personal understanding and remorse regarding their actions. This way of thinking avoids personal responsibility thus limiting emotional growth.

Projection is a common defense mechanism where a person gets upset with a trait in someone else that he wishes to deny in himself. They suppress the knowledge that they have the same trait and externalize blame on the other person. They are highly sensitized to the unwanted behaviors in others and transfer their horror and anger at their own unwanted inner trait to an outside person. Much of their internal thought or words during an argument is focused on blaming the other person. We all have a bit of projection in us, but some people have the need to blame others big time, thus obstructing their own growth and learning.

People who project blame often feel a hidden stigma and shame at possessing a disgraceful personality trait so they 'project' or transfer anger on others to distract themselves from knowing the truth about their own self. They become so highly sensitized to the presence of their unwanted traits that it interferes with their social informational processing. So they don't see reality as it is and then operate out of their misperceptions.

How do you know if you are projecting your anger on others? Preoccupation, judgments and anger about others' behavior are projection. If you spot it, you got it! Another form of projection is to transfer the arrows and slings of life onto 'bad luck' or 'fate.'

People who project often have other defenses such as Overgeneralized Thinking, which is the habit of making statements that emphasize that things are always that way. Examples of this type of thinking are: 'He never considers my opinion. You always put me down. She always tells me what to do. I have to do all the work. I never get a break. Why can't you ever get it right? and 'I can't stand it. I can't take anymore.' Overgeneralization language uses words like 'never, always, should and everybody or nobody.'

Always Putting the Blame on Others. For some people, the first reaction to a problem is to find someone to blame. Blaming is a defense mechanism to avoid taking personal responsibility for the situation. The blamer rapidly finds fault in the other person and criticizes them. Trying to find a solution to the problem is much better than looking for someone to blame. Blaming is a pattern in some families that keeps people from becoming closer. People who blame others or situations without taking responsibility for their contribution to the problem never get the sense of satisfaction of growth. By refusing to see their own errors, they lose the opportunity to change the very aspects of themselves that keep them stuck.

As the saying by Kahil Gibran goes, 'If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?' We Are As Healthy As We Are Ready To Take Responsibility For Our Own Thoughts And Behaviors!

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