An honest look

June 12, 2014

Searching for the pieces of the sister I once had are easy one moment and more difficult the next. Some days our conversations flow, her ideas and excitement for life are all there, but soon it is gone again, within minutes and there is no rhyme or reason? The confusion settles back in to where it once was.

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The past few weeks with Deb have been a constant mixture of ups and downs.... Literally, she has fallen several times with me and each time I'm more anxious and heartbroken. Her first fall was while walking through Medina square back to my car,  she lost her balance from the sidewalk to the grass where it was uneven, and before I knew it she was down. I dropped everything and was at the ground with her trying to access the damage. She was crying and I could already see her bruised chin. Thankfully two men in the park rushed over to help me get Debbie to my car. 

Crushed, I called Gordon to let him know and heard the sadness in his voice. He met me at the house and we assessed the damage. Swollen ankle, scuffed knee, bruised chin and sore wrists. She was in good spirits, joking with us, but I felt heartbroken. The one person we DON'T want to fall had fallen with me.

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As I walk with Debbie, she drags her feet and sometimes trips herself, so we are constantly reminding her to pick up her feet. Reminding her where to step up or watch the ground or curb is a constant part of our conversation. 

A week later Deb and I spent the day shopping and preparing for a weekend celebration. We had such a great day together, accomplishing so much and I feel like I let my guard down.

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Knowing she had to be tired and we had evening plans I got her home to rest for a bit. I wanted to get her in the house and then I would unload the car. While going into the house I was in front carrying several bags and she was behind me. I looked to see her hand full with holding a pop and said give me that and hold the railing.  She did so, but somehow after reaching the second step, she lost her balance again.  

I saw it happening and was screaming, jumping after her. She kept trying to catch herself but still ended up down on the concrete garage floor, hitting her head on nearby objects. I grabbed her up and hugged her and we both cried together. After a few moments we devised a plan to get her up and in the house.  

Once inside I got ice for her head and got her on the couch then went to call Gordon. Before I walked back outside Deb started making jokes about our childhood fights, and I started crying... she's like no, I'm trying to make you laugh...and through the tears we both laughed.

The boys arrived home and I choked up as I told them she had fallen again, you could see the heartbreak in their eyes, and after checking on her Cameron joked with her that we were going to have her fitted for a helmet. By that evening Deb was better and able to go with me to visit friends, but her falls leave me anxious.

Deb has fallen a few other times at home and with others, and I still question her balance since the surgery, this was something that was off before the tumor was found. But this along with her memory is another piece of this puzzle that we are closely observing and looking for progress. Hopefully upcoming doctor appointments will shed some more light on this challenging crusade.

Recently we've gone to the movies as well as the zoo along with countless other trips and I'm thankful to say there have been no falls with me, but I will continue to watch her closely. 

 

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